my number one biggest fear of all time is - lawn gnomes. yes, i run screaming from lawn gnomes like most people run from moving spiders or snakes. (which, ironically, i have no problems with either of those.) and it's because lawn gnomes, besides just looking creepy, also come alive when the lights go out and kill you in your sleep. obviously this fear can be traced directly back to a particularly vivid episode of goosebumps. damnit goosebumps. because of you i have to change the channel every time those stupid travelocity commercials come on. don't even get me started on gnomeo and juliet, i'd rather bite my own fingernails off than sit through that. i've always hated dolls too. these things with eyes that follow you - just get rid of them people. you'll thank me when they can't come slit your throat at night. and true story, i wouldn't even google a photo of a lawn gnome to put on here, that's how much they terrify me.
australia. i cannot fathom why everyone has a burning desire to visit australia. ignoring the fact that it was largely uninhabited until great britain started stashing its prisoners there, i watched the 10 deadliest creatures on the planet and pretty much all of them reside in or around australia. while normally i don't have a fear of spiders or snakes, i certainly don't want to die at the hands of one you don't even see coming while vacationing in the land down under. i'll just stick to outback steakhouse, kthanx.
elevators. for some reason, which i actually do not know the reason behind, i hate elevators. i deal with them, but only because i work on the 36th floor. but somehow i've convinced myself, despite the fact that it's never happened, that i'm going to be trapped in an elevator for eternity. before i get into an unknown elevator, i have to check the top and make sure there's an escape route, because apparently if i was ever trapped in an elevator i would instantly turn into Ethan Hunt in mission impossible and climb out to the safety of the floor above me after i pry open the doors, even though i have no upper body strength to speak of and a debilitating fear of heights. i did title this post irrational.
flying. although, perhaps this one is not so irrational. people were not meant to be up in the air, otherwise we would have wings. gravity is my friend. it's not actually a fear of flying though - it's a fear of crashing, burning, blowing up, and dying. totally different. my mom makes me wear gloves if i'm with her, because i dig my fingernails into her during takeoff and landing.
corn mazes. have you seen children of the corn? it was filmed in iowa. i don't know how you people do it, live where there's no streetlights and you have to turn your high beams on to drive at night. shudder. but specifically, i'm terrified of the corn mazes that pop during halloween. haunted houses are fun and i'm all about things jumping out at me, but corn mazes aren't too heavily guarded. a real serial killer could sneak in the side and chase you with a chainsaw, and you're going to realize just a little too late that that chainsaw has real blades on it. no thank you.
so, irrational things that could kill me is what i'm afraid of. one of these 5 ways, that's how i'm going out my friends. any bets on which one it'll be? what are you irrationally afraid of?