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2.12.2013

5 Completely Irrational Fears Post

my number one biggest fear of all time is - lawn gnomes.  yes, i run screaming from lawn gnomes like most people run from moving spiders or snakes. (which, ironically, i have no problems with either of those.)  and it's because lawn gnomes, besides just looking creepy, also come alive when the lights go out and kill you in your sleep.  obviously this fear can be traced directly back to a particularly vivid episode of goosebumps.  damnit goosebumps.  because of you i have to change the channel every time those stupid travelocity commercials come on.  don't even get me started on gnomeo and juliet, i'd rather bite my own fingernails off than sit through that.  i've always hated dolls too.  these things with eyes that follow you - just get rid of them people.  you'll thank me when they can't come slit your throat at night.  and true story, i wouldn't even google a photo of a lawn gnome to put on here, that's how much they terrify me.

australia.  i cannot fathom why everyone has a burning desire to visit australia.  ignoring the fact that it was largely uninhabited until great britain started stashing its prisoners there, i watched the 10 deadliest creatures on the planet and pretty much all of them reside in or around australia.  while normally i don't have a fear of spiders or snakes, i certainly don't want to die at the hands of one you don't even see coming while vacationing in the land down under.  i'll just stick to outback steakhouse, kthanx.

elevators.  for some reason, which i actually do not know the reason behind, i hate elevators.  i deal with them, but only because i work on the 36th floor.  but somehow i've convinced myself, despite the fact that it's never happened, that i'm going to be trapped in an elevator for eternity.  before i get into an unknown elevator, i have to check the top and make sure there's an escape route, because apparently if i was ever trapped in an elevator i would instantly turn into Ethan Hunt in mission impossible and climb out to the safety of the floor above me after i pry open the doors, even though i have no upper body strength to speak of and a debilitating fear of heights.  i did title this post irrational.

flying.  although, perhaps this one is not so irrational.  people were not meant to be up in the air, otherwise we would have wings.  gravity is my friend.  it's not actually a fear of flying though - it's a fear of crashing, burning, blowing up, and dying.  totally different.  my mom makes me wear gloves if i'm with her, because i dig my fingernails into her during takeoff and landing.

corn mazes.  have you seen children of the corn?  it was filmed in iowa.  i don't know how you people do it, live where there's no streetlights and you have to turn your high beams on to drive at night.  shudder.  but specifically, i'm terrified of the corn mazes that pop during halloween.  haunted houses are fun and i'm all about things jumping out at me, but corn mazes aren't too heavily guarded.  a real serial killer could sneak in the side and chase you with a chainsaw, and you're going to realize just a little too late that that chainsaw has real blades on it.  no thank you.

so, irrational things that could kill me is what i'm afraid of.  one of these 5 ways, that's how i'm going out my friends.  any bets on which one it'll be?  what are you irrationally afraid of?

19 comments:

  1. ahaha spiders are my number one!! I will randomly find a small spider crawling on me!!! trying to eat me!! i freak out and cry until it gets killed...even if i have o spray hair spray on it til it dies. I also fear falling from high places, so it's not so much a fear of heights just of falling...oh and with that roller-coasters. I'll get on them but I am convinced that soemthing will derail and i'll die...here in Ca, Knott's Berry Farm (home of Snoopy) has "free fall" type rides and just a couple of months ago, it got stuck at the very top and people had to wait 8 hours to be taken down. I would have shirt my pants and died!!!

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  2. Balloons...more like balloons popping.

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  3. 1. i totally agree with the dolls. after hearing the story about the doll that killed the girl when i was in grade school i refused to be near my dolls and would never tell my mom why.
    2. elevators arent too bad, but i have a fear that one day when i am pregnant, i will get stuck and give birth in one. ive seen way too many stories/tv shows/movies with this happening.
    3. my own irrational fear: that all myy friends secretly dont like me and don't want to be around me.

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  4. Loving this post! You would HATE the elevators in the building where I currently work ... they always drop floors when stopping, make crazy noises and get stuck all the time.

    Shia
    World According to Shia

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  5. absolutely terrified of spiders, I can't even touch a fake one or a picture of one. hairy bastards. and I'm not big with heights either, I feel like I'm going to fall to my death.

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  6. My sister has a fear of VW buses thanks to the movie Back to the Future. I have a fear of the dark. I even downloaded the flashlight app on my phone so I am never without a light. Also driving at night. Because I am terrified i will either wreck (valid fear) or my car will break down and I will be stranded in the dark. So really I guess it all goes back to the dark.

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  7. lover pants do yourself a favor and run dont walk to a drug store and get some dream water. best. sleep. ever. i do the same thing after a break up no sleep tossing and turning #singlegirlproblems

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  8. Love this post :) I'm from NZ and am so grateful for the sea that separates us from Australia for this exact reason!

    http://101lauren.blogspot.co.nz/

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  9. Oh man I have always had crazy fears... I think I say a prayer everytime I get on a plane and when I am walking to my car in a dark parking lot!

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  10. My second blog post ever was on this topic. Midgets, clowns, slugs, bedbugs, horror movies. Boom.


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  11. Haha this is amazing!! I am absolutely petrified of squirrels and pigeons. They are so creepy and have no regard for personal space. I am also terrified of raccoons. But that's legit because I saw one with rabies once when I was little.

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  12. Hahahahaha....I LOVE your irrational fears!! My fear is taking Murphy out at night and someone attacking me and my chicken shit dog running behind me to hide.

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  13. Oh my gosh, I will never ever forget the first time I watched Children of the Corn. Something creepy/weird actually did happen to me that night. I still can't even think of that movie. I totally didn't know it was filmed in Iowa!

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  14. I am irrationally afraid that while I sleep something will chop off my limbs if they hang over the bed...totally weird.

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  15. I'm afraid of ventriloquist dummies because of Goosebumps! Thank God I don't come across one of those too often.

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  16. I'm TERRIFIED of mimes. Clowns are a close second. And germs!!! Hate all of those things with a passion.

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  17. I'm glad to see that you left jmeoww off of this list. I have an irrational fear of costume characters. Not that they will kill me, but that they are all molesters. They make me so uncomfortable! My little sister is afraid of elevators too!

    Good luck sleeping, and getting off the xannies. I did take some to fly this week ;-)

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