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4.23.2013

7 Warnings For My Future Husband

let's just get these out of the way now, shall we?

i'm probably always going to love this dog more than you.  she was here first.




when my sports team loses, so does everyone around me.  i'm used to the crap that is the cubbies, but i'm an angry little elf when the hawkeyes or bears lose.  (also, every sunday is spent lying on the couch watching nascar, hungover.)


i hate waiting.  i am terrible at waiting.  i'll probably cut you if you're always late or slow.



i do not, in any way, function before coffee.



i could eat taco bell for every meal.  i'd prefer it, really.  i could also eat cereal for dinner every night and be perfectly content.  so home cooked meals are going to be a rare occasion unless you make them for yourself.


i've been known to toss hawkeye out of the bed if she wakes me up before 7 am.  so this obviously goes for everyone else too.



this is exactly how i feel about children:





but hey, there's 3 really positive things too:

i make perfect pancakes, baked goods, and any type of eggs... first time, every time.  i'm talking restaurant perfect.  so breakfast.  i can make perfect breakfast.

i never make you carry things.  i have god's pockets to stash my keys, phone, money, etc.

i'm not afraid of bugs, so i won't make you kill anything.  i take them outside. (as long as it's only 1 spider at a time.  more than 1 is like them starting an army, i don't like that.)


i mean really, i'm still pretty awesome.


44 comments:

  1. This made me laugh at my desk!! I could (and basically do) eat cereal every night, and it is wonderful. And there is nothing wrong with some good old puppy love!

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    1. Thanks Amanda, I'm glad it's not just me! Cereal is delicious!

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  2. How are we still friends? Lol!! You are crazy about carrying spiders. Cra-zy!!

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  3. UMMM #1, 2 and 3 are ME!!!! I do not take losing very well and I know I love my dog more than my husband...

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  4. I hear you on the sleep and taco bell but not the spiders! Girl you are cray cray I don't do spiders!

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  5. HILAAAARIOUS. I'm with you on eating cereal for every meal. I don't... But I could. For ever and ever and ever. :)

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  6. that someecard about patience is spot on. forget the probably; i WILL cut you if you're always late or slow. let's bitch about how much we hate waiting over fiesta potatoes and crunchwraps.

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  7. Haha, I love these! My dog frequently comes before my husband, and he came first! I also LOVE that someecard!

    Also, I'm totally a week late, but thanks for the birthday wishes! It really made my day, and my day wound up being great! (All things considered)

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    1. Aww good, I'm glad you had a great birthday!!

      And the dogs are just cuter and more loving, how can you help it? ;)

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  8. Yes, to everything. I don't think these are hard things to accept!

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  9. TECHNICALLY, if you can make breakfast, you can make dinner. "breakfast for dinner". there. you're good to go.

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  10. you're hilarious!! too funny!! I can't cook and matt was warned by my dad the day matt came over to dinner hahaha. I'm such a girl when it comes to spiders...I have a severe case of arachnophobia!! I somehow always find one crawling on me...you know when you think you feel a hair on your arm...nope its a spider. I blame my dad for letting me watch Arachnophobia as a kid hahaha

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  11. muahah! I love the title of this blog post :)

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  12. HAHAHA this is golden! I agree with the kids..evil..pure evil! Also..with Nascar..read my post today! YOu might like it!

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  13. I'm not afraid of bugs either, I will gladly kill spiders for boys who are wusses! And teach me how to make the perfect over medium eggs...it's very hit or miss for me! PS - any guy will be lucky to have you and precious Hawkeye!

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  14. If my team loses I am miserable to be around as well! I am a Browns fan so that is almost every week :( Draft weekend too! lol! All kids aren't evil....just other people's kids are! lol!

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  15. LOL! i don't like kids like that .gif you have. i can't stand screeching, whining or just plain being annoying. i raise my daughter to NOT be like that.

    and i'm HORRIBLE at waiting too. if i agree with someone to meet at a certain time and i'm early, i get mad at them for making me wait...even though i'm early!

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    1. Ugh if I had to be that kids (honey boo boo's) mother, I'd die. She's a pain! Thank goodness yours is better... and also that she's yours :)
      I do the same thing, and no one else is ever even on time! I need to stop being early.

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  16. I take bugs outside too! And I've had to teach every single roomate / boyfriend / husband to do the same! And you are too funny! I also am not human before I have coffee and I HATE waiting!

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  17. so we should probably get married.
    i'll cook all the meals and you take care of all the bugs.
    we'll be perfect and so happy and so drunk.

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  18. BAHAHAH this whole thing just made me laugh.
    poor hawkeye getting tossed out of bed... sassy lady shouldn't wake up before seven. When will she learn?

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  19. Hahaha!! This is hilarious!!

    I can't stand waiting either! It drives me crazy.

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  20. Please note that I agree that having children is literally like someone put an evil curse on you. Love my nieces and nephews but thats because I can give those suckers back

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  21. Love this.

    I need to have that child ecard stapled to my forehead.

    If I have to wait for you, the chances of me murdering you are REALLY HIGH.

    How did dinner go?

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  22. "when my sports team loses, so does everyone around me." -YES!! and waiting? I have no patience for that. (I feel like every post of yours I come read and find myself agreeing with//relating to.. you're one awesome person!)

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  23. Ha great post! I feel the same about taco bell. I wouldn't have admitted it at the time but when we moved last year, I big selling point on the house we ended up at was its proximity to a taco bell.
    They Call Me Gypsy Queen

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    1. hahaha that is an awesome reason to pick a house!! I approve!!

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  24. Love this. I now understand why you recommended Merkles - the Hawkeye bar. My husband and I are both hawkeye fans. It was perfect. Also, I'll take some pancakes.

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  25. Love this!! I need to make a list. Agree with you about the spiders and their army. I don't like that either.

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  26. <3 hawkeye so precious!!! god knows I need my beauty sleep. I still haven't recuperated from my nyc trip and I am in a horrible mood bc of the lack of sleep! I am the opposite about bugs - I freak out at bugs. I literally scream and run if there is any sort of flying animal like a bee or wasp (or maybe even a fly) - all I know is that if it buzzes near my ear - I AM OUTTA there (screaming)! Maybe this is why I am single. HAHA!
    ps. I am going to be in Chicago next week!

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  27. Pretty sure I would love that dog more than any man too...and I totally agree that the virtue of patience should be replaced. It's just awful.

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  28. LOL, its nice that you wrote this post to your future hubs! I'm sure he will enjoy it. And you are a better woman than me...I've called my dad (who lives 2 hours away) because I've been scared of a bug. But it was an F*ING praying mantis and it was on my stove! Scared the SHIT of of me!

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

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  29. My Sundays are spent watching Nascar hungover too.

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  30. LOVE hungover Nascar watching...there is always a great nap in there too!!

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  31. Haha this post makes me laugh. And oh man - I'm a nice person, but wake me up too early and I turn into a she-devil. I neeeeeed my sleep.

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  32. This is amazing - 100% with you on the coffee and the waiting. Patience may be a virtue, but I never claimed to be virtuous. WORST.

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  33. Teach me the ways of perfect pancakes, pretty please?

    No one is allowed to wake me up. EVER.

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