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5.27.2013

6 Reasons I'm Not A Normal Girl

yes i like sparkle and pink, champagne and shopping, candles and dresses.  but some days, i am just not a girl.  i attribute this to my dad.  obviously, my parents wanted me.  i'm adopted.  but they also wanted a boy.  they tried to adopt one the year after me but the universe knew i was meant to be an only child it didn't work out. so my dad just tried making me a tomboy.  and some things really just stuck.  sometimes i'm about as far from a normal girl as you could get.

i don't have my future children's names picked out.  this may be because i am adamantly never having children.  but apparently women who do plan on having kids in the future, even 20 freaking years from now, have potential baby names picked out.  hmmm i guess i'd name my kids carver and kinnick.  done, decision made.  see?  good thing i'm not having kids.  they'd probably get scholarships though.  (for the non-hawkeye fans out there, carver and kinnick are the basketball and football stadiums at iowa.)

my nails are rarely painted.  i hate going to get them done because i hate strangers touching me, especially my feet.  so i opt to paint them myself.  this occasionally happens with my toes, when i'm not too cold to not put socks right back on (hardly ever.)  lucky for me my toenails barely grow, so i can leave the same polish on there for months.  my nails barely ever get done because i suck at it and i always chip them anyway.

i don't have a mental fairy tale wedding mapped out.  i don't have a pinterest wedding board.  thinking about what i'd do on that day bores me to tears and i'd rather just call shenanigans on the whole damn thing and just go to vegas.  i love planning other people's weddings (and in fact that's what i would do if i could escape the law.  wedding plan.)  just couldn't care less about my own.

inspirational quotes are not my thing.  i don't pin or put up quotes about living and loving or motivational anything.  or bible passages.  if i needed a motivational poster in my apartment, i'd put this up.



i've been hearing lately that i'm actually not alone in this one - bridal showers and baby showers are the worst things ever invented.  why don't men have to sit through crap like that?!  especially booze-free baby showers, 'because the mom to be can't drink.'  ooo no no no you are not punishing me for your mistake and making me sit through hours of pretending one-sies are cute.  just kill me.  there are girls in the world who enjoy such nonsense?  i mean, that's why they throw them, right?

romantic movies make me cry, and not in a good way.  as in a 'i'm so bored and this is so stupid i must escape watching the rest of this before i voluntarily choke to death on my popcorn' kind of way.  they aren't cute.  they aren't funny.  they certainly aren't original or realistic.  they're boring, predictable, forced, and no one dies bloody horrible deaths, no one has drunk blackouts, and nothing explodes.  yawn.  and also, a reason all in itself, i think the notebook is the worst movie i've ever seen.  yep.



at least my dad and i bond over our love of the same movies (dumb and dumber) and our hatred of attending events in honor of other people!

36 comments:

  1. haha, I'm with you on weddings and baby showers! :)
    xoxo Aimee
    bowsandbeau-ties.com

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  2. ARE WE TWINS?!?
    For real though... I'm right there with you on all of this.

    Don't get me wrong, I love weddings (and I've photographed countless weddings), but I don't have mine planned. The only thing I care about are the pictures haha.

    Also, I enjoy rom-com's because they're cute... but I have to be in the mood for them. I don't cry, and just don't find them touching. I can ALWAYS predict how it's going to end, and can usually predict the final scenes word for word, not even kidding.

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  3. AS I am planning my wedding, I am realizing I think I am missing that " bride gene." As every other girl says, "O.M.G what does your dress look like?" I say, "Um, it's straight across with fluff." And they then proceed to spit out the technical terms.

    And for the record, I don't get the wedding Pinterest boards when you aren't even engaged. So I feel ya there!

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  4. I agree, showers are the worst!!! Pure torture. Ick

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  5. Showers suck. Awkward!!!! And they're even worse when they're for you. People sit and stare and it's weird.

    I love weight watchers cat. He's hilarious!!!

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  6. Oh my gosh we have a few things in common! haha. I always hated baby showers.. and with my daughter I never bothered cause I knew it'd be boring haha!

    http://www.wundurlust.com/

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  7. mwahaha totez agree on the showers. shoot, for my wedding shower (if ever) i want to be a buzzzzz as possible.

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  8. Ok 1- I literally laughed out loud with the weight-watcher cat!! sooo funny!! and I did not have my wedding planned out either...ok I lie I had my engagement ring picked out since I was in high school (the style, not the ring itself) and my honeymoon planned out as well (a caribbean cruise), but not the actual wedding itself...I also knew I was going to hire a wedding planner If that counts as "planning". I also do not have my kids names picked out...I can barely pick our shoes for events, let alone a names another human being will have for life!! hmmmm...so here is where we differ...nails and movies I have to have my nails done and matching (or at least in the same color family) thank goodness for gel nail manicures!! And I freaking love rom-com movies...the sappier the better hahaha. ANd I don't mind bridal/baby showers...it's the present opening that bores me...ohhh kitchen crap...ooooh baby crap....yes, you got gifts, open them later and lets just talk and hang out.
    Still friends ;)?

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  9. I love cheesy ass romantic comedies, BUT I'd rather watch Fast & Furious movies. I much prefer car chases, fights and explosions.

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  10. HOLY SDFKSDF:KL the CAT picture! I am CRYING.

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  11. You and my mom would be BEST FRIENDS. I don't have baby names and I hate showers, but I love thinking about my wedding. But it's mostly thinking about what booze we will be able to afford and how badass the dance party will be... so I guess there's that.

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  12. I snort laughed at that cat picture

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  13. Ok chick. I have had 2 baby showers. And it was only for 2 reasons....

    the food and presents.

    Have you seen a pregnant woman eat?????? There is your answer!

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  14. I would never and could never attend any type of shower without being seriously self-medicated.

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  15. I agree with everything here...except the nails. My are always, always, always painted

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  16. Oh how I love this... We may or may not differ on some of these things but that's ok :) I still love ya ;)

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  17. i only go to showers (baby/wedding) for the food and to chat with friends. and i'm married and have a kid.

    and i always serve booze at my kid's bday party and served it at my shower too!

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    Replies
    1. Haha thank goodness! You're a nice friend!

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  18. I love picking out names, but the actual baby fever is far from setting in here. And can you believe someone actually posted on my fb this week, "Are yall planning to start trying to kids right away?" No. Just no.

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  19. I am dyingggg over that cat in the fridge photo! My most recent baby shower had champagne and mimosas for all of us non-preggos to enjoy, phew. I am def not into the baby scene either for now!

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  20. hahaha omg yes!!!! i love this. and for the most part, agree on EVERYTHING. who has time to paint their nails. omg baby showers and wedding showers. kill me.

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  21. I never even wanted to get married so no way did I grow up dreaming of my wedding day. MFD insisted on a real wedding so I planned it because I had to. LOL

    Baby and bridal showers better serve booze, or I'm not attending.

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  22. Girl you aren't the only one! I cannot stand naming children, and I think that the government needs to pass a law saying you must have your baby name approved before you use it. Some names are just straight up DUMB! I once knew a girl who worked at a bar, she was prego, drunk and high and they were sitting on the porch smoking weed when all of a sudden: "A deer was walking by a fence when a leaf fell from a tree. That's when I named my kid Fenderleaf." <-----I do not make that crap up, those were her exact words! And I rarely if even have sandals on, I cannot stand dirt on my toes (and I live on a farm!?) so I too own less than 30 nail polishes and I'm lucky if twice a year I paint my toenails! lol

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  23. I had such a hard time getting into planning my wedding. It was not something I had ever thought about. I wanted it to just be our parents and siblings but he (and my mom) wouldn't go for that. It turned out simple but fun but mainly because we went to a bar after the reception and closed the place down.

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  24. I never liked baby showers or bridal showers until I actually was married and had a baby. It.softens you lol.

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  25. HAHAHA that cat. I need to train mine to do that. Perfection.

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    Replies
    1. I agree! Hawkeye needs to do that, but she's too cubby herself!

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  26. I hate bridal/baby showers too. I mean, I am amazing at shower games and I always win them, so that's the saving grace. But I'm just tired of being obligated to attend events and give gifts. Then when it comes to birthday parties I get the "I need to hang with my husband/child" in return. Um, it's not better to give than receive. I want gifts too! Haha :)

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  27. OH DEAR GOD. I don't know how I can go on knowing that you hate the notebook.

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  29. I also hate the notebook! And every time I tell someone, they freak out. I literally had to fast forward through the whole movie because I wanted to know what the hype was about.
    - Mishfish13

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    Replies
    1. And it's awful! You were missing nothing, it's hyped for no reason!

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  30. I'm with Kathy. There is always booze at our parties baby or not ha! I don't get how people like the Notebook either. I love me some romantic comedies and such but ones like the Notebook eh.

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  31. will you come to my bridal shower?
    it's going to be at my local bar and i'm going to be drunk.

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