Please Invent These

July 21, 2013

such a let down at the end of the weekend.



but sadly, it is the end of the fun and this weekend really made me realize that there are some things that just don't exist in my life yet, and they need to.

so someone out there, please invent these for me?  i'll be your first and most loyal customer.

an app that narrates my life in morgan freeman's voice.  heck, maybe this already exists, i haven't actually checked yet.  but if it doesn't, someone needs to get on that asap.  sometimes i pretend there's a little morgan freeman on my shoulder, telling me what to do and i hear his voice in my head.  so it would be great to have an app that (a) just in general narrates my awesome life in the dramatic fashion it so rightly deserves and (b) i can ask my burning life questions to and get answered by a morgan freeman voiced version of a magic 8 ball.  is that so much to ask?!



or alternatively, and perhaps more accurately, samuel l. jackson.



low fat taco bell nachos that taste exactly like the full fat version.  need i say more?

a separate lane or highway for advanced drivers.  like, you're passing an extensive exam to be able to use this highway.  you must actually understand things like merging and signalling, and then you can use the special highway which zips all over at 100 mph.  because obviously there'd be no traffic since everyone would know how to drive.

and perhaps more importantly,

hangover-less alcohol.  obviously.  come on science, we gotta be there soon, right?!  don't let me down.


You Might Also Like

28 comments

  1. I am THE WORST drunk texter. I go back and read what I sent and it's so embarrassing. It's just a jumble of letters and words that don't make sense.

    ReplyDelete
  2. the weekend needs to be 5 days a week and the week 2. LOL how's that sound?

    pinkowl07.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm a HORRIBLE drunk texter! I seriously need some sort of app to prevent me from even opening my texting when I've drank more than three drinks!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm HORRIBLE about drunk texting and usually my drunk self deletes said texts that same night, so I end up with screenshots from friends of what I sent to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too!! I never save them so my friends just send them all to me, to remind me what I did. But if they were really my friends, they'd just delete them and pretend it never happened!

      Delete
  5. Ahhh yes. Texting while drunk. Ugh! Just text me next time ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. WHY aren't we all allowed to have oxygen machines that cure our hangovers?

    I dread picking up my phone in the morning seeing what I sent to who.

    ReplyDelete
  7. let's get to work on this hangover-less alcohol...I think you're onto something there!

    ReplyDelete
  8. i once drunk-texted my friend and the next day he showed it to me. both of us had no idea what i was trying to say. my friends kept the phone away from me after that LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha!! I hate when they keep it and show you, they should be kind and just delete it!!

      Delete
  9. or even just a supplement or something we can take the night we drink and the next time we are there. seriously how does that not exist?

    ReplyDelete
  10. morgan freeman gets my vote over sammy. I need that text breath a lizer too, i am always so embarrassed of myself when i look at my phone in the am.

    ReplyDelete
  11. if you find hangover-less alchohol let me me in on the secret

    ReplyDelete
  12. drunk texting is an art! Makes for good laughs the next day...unless you text an ex or a random :/

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have zero motivation today and wish I was back in my bed. I vote for four day work weeks too!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ugh, I drunk text all the wrong people... It got so bad that I had to delete numbers the next day when I finally regained some recollection of what the hump I did. I will say that I'm a little upset that I didn't receive a drunk text from you... No biggie; I'm not bitter ;)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I will eat the low-cal Taco Bell with you on the third day of the weekend forever and ever. Because YES. You spoke my thoughts aloud, posted them to the interwebs even. I would like to elect you as my local representative - you have your priorities straight! Or, at least, my kind of wiggly. Steph for Senate seat! Bring out the bourbon!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love the idea of Morgan Freeman or Samuel L. narrating your life! Hmm... I wonder who I would pick?! I think that is my homework for the night :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Im with you on those nachos!!! & can we add in every good tasting food?!

    ReplyDelete
  18. UGH and now I want taco bell. I would like to wish for beer that doesn't make me fat. THAT TASTES GOOD.

    ReplyDelete
  19. What fab ideas! I'm going to have to start thinking in a Morgan Freeman and Samuel L. Jackson voice.

    ReplyDelete
  20. you're a lawyer...can't you write a law for the special, advanced driving lane? and lets campgain Taco Bell for the fat-free nachos...i mean the cool ranch Dorittos happened...soooo ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I need them too!!! Hell I even drunk comment on your blog that should tell you about my life.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Im not to bad with drunk texting but I would love to have Morgan Freeman for the mundane and Samuel L. Jackson when I really need to make a point!

    ReplyDelete
  23. YES PLEASE to all of these things!! The advanced highway lane would lower my stress level SO much and the hangover-less booze would make my life way more fun!

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

    ReplyDelete
  24. Have you seen Wanted with Angelina Jolie? Morgan Freeman's in it. At the very end of the movie, he says mother fucker. It's really awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Crap, now I want tacos and nachos and all things Taco Bell.

    ReplyDelete
  26. on top of the hangover-less booze let someone also create food that doesn't go straight to your ass/makes you gain weight. IT'S ONLY FAIR.

    ReplyDelete