A to Z of Annoyances: B is for Bikers/Bike Lanes

August 13, 2013

let's touch on the horrid little fact that chicago has made over these top bike lanes.


what the actual fuck.  this is the street directly outside my work, so you can see why this annoyance smacks me in the face daily.  not to mention my walk home takes me down 5 such streets.  (this photo is from the chicago reader.  because i'd get ragey if i stood out there and tried to take a photo.)  yes, you're seeing that correctly - the bike lane is inside near the curb, and then there's a car park lane where you see those trucks, and then there's the traffic.   and the bike lanes have their own traffic lights.  which, shockingly, they don't follow those either.  where did this complete asshat of an idea come from?

people who ride their bikes downtown during rush hour are despicable human beings.  most days and times and locations, bikers are annoying no matter what.  but the people who do this during rush hour are a particular breed of pure, unadulterated evil.  they don't follow any of the rules of the road.  they blow through stop lights and stop signs, turn left on red, don't signal, don't stay in their lane.  don't care if you're a car or a pedestrian, they think and act like they run world.



as if riding a bike suddenly gives you this inexplicable right to behave like a total hipster asshamper.  newsflash - it does not.  i get a little excited when i see one of them riding without a helmet in bustling chicago rush hour traffic.  yes, darwinism at it's finest.  you're doing mankind a favor, so please, please continue to never wear a helmet while riding around like a suicidal maniac.

but really, what is it that makes them think they're so entitled?  they're more environmentally friendly than cars?  well i walk to and from work about 1.2 miles each way even in the snow or rain and i've never even owned a car so really, i'm even more entitled to act like a self-important environment saving tree-hugger than you.  i just don't do it.

so yes, if you're wondering - if you ride your bike in your city during rush hour and obey no laws, i hate you.  period.

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21 comments

  1. Ughhhh. Out where manfriend lives is super curvy and has a lot of hills. There's also these people who exercise on their bikes every.single.fucking.day. They also ride in groups of 5 - 20. In the middle of the damn road that's also curvy. And they refuse to get the fuck over. I hate it. HATE it. If I wanted to go to prison if just run their asses off the road. They don't get over for anything. Assholes.

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  2. hahaha i pretty much hate all serious bike riders myself, especially the men in spandex...gross

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  3. I agree! The bikers in New York were annoying but even more now that there is a public bike share program - I feel your pain!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  4. I lived out in the country growing up, and bikers used our road ALL. THE. TIME. Pretty much every single day, you would have to doge AT LEAST 5 bikes every time you're going to or from my house. In the fall and spring you're basically just stuck behind massive groups of bikers for miles. Not. Okay.

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  5. Ughhhh they just started doing these in our city too, except the bike lane is next to the traffic lane. So it goes parking lane, bike lane, traffic. Disaster. I am with you; bikers want to be treated like cars but do whatever the fuck they want. The worst is when you get more than one of them riding in a line on a two lane road and can't pass them, so you sit behind them going 15 miles below the speed limit.

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  6. What in the actual fuck. You need to tap into that Scorpio and DO something about it.... like kicking them off their bike while going FULL SPEED!

    Naw. jk...

    or am i.........................

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  7. it must be a downtown cyclist thing because even in toronto, THEY ARE THEY SAME. they cut cars off, get mad when you almost hit them (never mind the fact that they abruptly cut in front of you) and then even have the nerve to smack your hood if that happens.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  8. I want to murder Philly bikers when I'm driving in town. No regard for any traffic rules but they want YOU to treat them with all the regard in the world. HATE HATE HATE.

    My brother cracks me the F up. When he rides by a cyclist with their gear on, he yells out the window, "NOT TODAY, LANCE." It makes me roar laughing.

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  9. no one rides their bikes in Hartford, it's not a big enough city. But really I would throw something at bikers if I had to deal with all that shit. Also you make me laugh so much all the time haha

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  10. If I didn't know any better I'd swear this picture was taken in NYC. Our bike lanes are the exact same headache as yours. What gets me really mad is that we have the bike lane, then a 2' buffer space, then the park lane, then traffic. I walk in the biffer space because the sidewalks are a zoo. What pisses me off the most is that asshole biker that rings his lame ass bell at me when I'm not even IN the bike lane. Rage like none other.

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  11. I bitch about bike riders several times a week. Get off the DAMN HIGHWAY IN RUSH HOUR. We are all about to have an accident trying to avoid you. What the hell can't you simply ride in a neighborhood?

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  12. OMG Yes. Thank you. My feelings exactly.

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  13. I'm ragey for you. I also think I would never be able to drive in Chicago. Lexington traffic freaks me out, and I refuse to drive in Louisville.

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  14. they HAVE THEIR OWN STOPLIGHTS?? WHAT?? that's actually pretty funny. but I'm sorry for your rage.

    Michelle @ Mishfish13

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    1. Yeah they do! They have red and right lights but shaped like bicycles instead of round lights. It's horrible!

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  15. I get mad about this almost daily. They don't follow the traffic laws in NYC either and the worst part is they are always ON THE SIDEWALK which is SUPER dangerous and illegal for a reason!!

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  16. I'm so excited that you're doing the entire alphabet of annoyances, especially since we share so many of the same peeves. May I suggest for "P" people who think they're too good for taco bell or "T" taco bell haters...b/c don't act like a crunchwrap after a night of drinking isn't saving your life.

    Totally agree w/ you that bikers suck...the worst thing isn't even their blatant disregard for lights, pedestrians and traffic, it's their God-awful "my shit don't stink b/c I'm on a bike" persona. News flash: everyone hates you.

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  17. ughhhh they drive me crazy!!! Totally agree!

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  18. Love this. Totally agree. I worked with a bunch of guys that biked everywhere and I was constantly telling them how much I hated bike riders. My biggest issue is that I drive like an old lady because Im terrified I will hit one and go broke paying their medical bills.

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  19. omg yes, seriously. i'm all for bicyclers getting their exercise and being green or whatever they're doing, it's great, really. but if you're gonna ride your bike in the road, you need to be following the same rules everyone else is. you're not better than anyone else. if anything, you're just more likely to die from breaking one of those rules.

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  20. these rage filled posts are exactly why i like you so much.
    sometimes i feel my car veering towards these people and then i have to correct myself...

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