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10.21.2013

Things You Say That Make Me Want To Stab You

i probably could have thought of a nicer title for that, but it's just one of those days.  you know how tuesdays make me crazy.  and i've been feeling sick-like.  not full on sick, but comes and goes, it might get worse kind of sick.  and lord help the world if i'm sick for halloween, someone will get a beat down.  good thing alcohol kills germs.  anyway:

1. "are you okay?"


do not even start that with me.  i absolutely hate when people ask me if i'm okay and i will shut that shit down faster than the u.s. government.  sometimes it's just an attempt to be nosy because if i wanted you to know something, i'd tell you.  i don't beat around the bush or sigh dramatically until someone pays attention to me.  if i'm in a mood, i demand attention, trust me.  and everyone knows this about me.  it's not my finest quality, but it's there it is.  so stop trying to get information that isn't yours.  

and the only other time people ask this is when i'm mad at them. do not antagonize me.  if i'm ignoring you and giving you one word answers, move on.  i'm doing you a favor by not snapping on you.  if i didn't yell at you in the first place, it means i'm processing and i'll drop it eventually and i just want time away from you.  but if you want me to snap and make you cry, by all means, keep asking me if i'm "okay."


2. "me and megan went to the bar.  we took seperate cabs.  we should of gone together."


correct:
tara and i went to the bar.
megan went to the bar with tara and me (or 'myself').

incorrect:
me and tara went to the bar.
megan went to the bar with tara and i.

separate.  for the love of god, it's sepArate.  if you want the long drawn out story on how to remember it, google it.  but here's the gist (yes, that's with a g, not a j) - a little old lady saw a rat when she was with her husband, septimus.  she screamed "sep! a rat! e!"  and that's how you remember to correctly spell separate.  also, spell check.  even blogger has spell check.  no excuses.  i don't know why this one word bothers me more than any other, but it really, really does.

should have.  it may sound like 'of' when you say should've really fast, but it is, in fact, 'have' - 'should have, could have, would have' not 'should of, could of, would of.'  of doesn't even make sense.

i don't know why the standard complete inability to grasp the basics of the english language is bugging me more than usual lately, but it is.


3.  "oh you'll change your mind"  in response to "i am never having children."


i'm almost 29, when exactly do you think my ever-growing hatred of children, especially babies, is going to go away?  that's like telling people who are afraid of dogs that eventually they'll own 8 rottweilers.  or someone who's allergic to peanuts that the cure is a snickers bar.  it's part of who i am, i hate children and i will never have them.  deal with it.  just because i'm a woman does not mean i automatically have maternal instinct.  and ya know what?  i've seen a lot of parents out there who really should have thought twice before going down that road.  not everyone is ideally suited to be a parent.  you don't have to, you know that right?


4. "i don't care" but really, you do.


if you don't want to make decisions, that's totally fine by me.  i love making decisions.  i'll decide where to go, what to do, when to leave, what to eat.  i'll cruise direct entire weekends or vacations, i'm great at that.  but don't tell me you "don't care" what we do or where we go to dinner only to say "i don't like that, i don't want to go there, nope not there either, nope nope nope."  obviously, you care.  if you have an idea, spit it out.  i'm not playing a guessing game here.  if there's a reason you don't like something, tell me.  if you hate mexican, i can suggest an italian place instead.  if you hate rollercoasters, we can skip it for paintball.  but you have to tell me that.  i don't read minds.  oh and also, you're no longer 8.


ok i'm stopping at 4.  otherwise this post will be 20 bullet points long and i'll spend even more time finding perfect gifs on the internet.  what about you?  what's the most annoying thing people say to you?

43 comments:

  1. The kid thing. Yes! Everyone always tells me I will change my mind. No. Just no.

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  2. I'm with you on the kid too!! I can't stand that everyone just assumes I want kids and are horrified when I say it'll never happen, like there's something wrong with me. there are plenty of people who really want kids and will actually be good parents - I'm so not one of them, and I'm pretty sure society doesn't need whatever effed up offspring I would raise

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  3. Ha I love this post. Definitely my favorite post in a long time.

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  4. I'm with you on the kid subject. Everyone looks at me as if I have two heads. More people need to make that call... it might save the world haha

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  5. "You don't have to, you know that right?"

    Thank. You. I actually avoid the subject most days because most women are genuinely wrong footed to hear that a woman isn't planning on having kids.

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    1. Ugh it makes me nuts! I'd rather not have children than be a crappy parent to them. More people should feel that way!

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  6. Your
    You're

    Their
    There
    They're

    When people confuse those or use them wrong. That's what gets me. Oh and when people spell "are" when they really mean "our". My dumb ass ex-husband and his dumb ass girlfriend say that. I've corrected him numerous times. Nope. He doesn't get it.

    Dumb fuck.

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  7. Telling me to smile. Cause that's gonna make me happier....I'm not a smiley person by nature, but it doesn't mean I'm unhappy all the time!
    And my family constantly telling me I'm pregnant. a) I'm not b) If I was, I obviously don't want to tell you, so don't ruin it!

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  8. hey, are you ok? ha! :D kidding.

    things that annoy me:
    -your instead of you're. REALLY? YOU'RE 30-SOMETHING AND DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE?!

    -"why don't you have more kids? kayla will be lonely". hey, here's an idea: how about you MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS SINCE DON'T LIVE IN MY HOUSE OR KNOW MY LIFE OR HOW HAPPY WE ARE SO STFU.

    -"you're too skinny". my mom says this all the time. she also used to say "you're too fat". *ignore*.

    -"you're working out too much". (mom) *ignore*

    -"put a jacket on kayla. she's going to catch a cold". NO SHE WON'T. COLDS ARE CAUSED BY VIRUSES, NOT COLD AIR.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  9. Hate the "are you okay" too. Also, "you look tired." Gee, thanks. Unless you're giving me the option to crawl back in bed while you cover my work, keep your opinions to yourself.

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  10. I just want to hug you and hit the nearest bar! I'm with you 1000% on all of these, especially the "are you okay" and spelling and grammar ones. Butchering the English language is one of my absolute BIGGEST pet peeves.

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  11. I think I already made a blog post about the things that make me want to stab people. I do have a new fave. When people say, "You just don't understand." This is Abbey's new favorite thing to say. I told her I'd hate to have to kill her if she kept saying it.

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  12. I hate when people misuse I/Me. it drives me out of my mind. I also agree with Holly..."You just don't understand" makes my blood boil.

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  13. What's wrong? I hate it when people ask me that question, if there was a problem I'd tell you if I haven't just leave me alone.

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  14. Um, are you okay? HA! If loving you more was possible...consider it DONE after this post ;) I loved it! I'm with you on SO MUCH OF this. Especially, "I don't care" when you know they really do. If you tell me you don't care...then that entitles me to not give a damn about your opinion! Also, I HATE when people say "Smile!" or "Keep smiling" or anything along those lines...a smile isn't going to make me happy dammit! Obviously, I'm feeling a little grouchy this morning...I hate Tuesdays also!

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  15. It's always obvious when I am not okay, and if you don't know why then it's because I don't want you to know. Leave me and my catastrophic mood alone.

    Suck it, Tuesday.

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  16. omg #3!!! and #1!! #1 is like the same as "are you mad at me?" no. "are you sure you're not mad at me" yes. "i feel like you're mad at me". bitch, I'm mad now! now that you asked so many times!
    ugh. haha.

    i may or not be #4, but really only with my boyfriend not with anyone else. so maybe you wouldn't hate me ;)

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  17. this whole post just reaffirms why I love you and your blog so much. first up: should of. what the what? do people hear the words coming out of their mouth b/c like you said, "should of" doesn't even make sense. these idiots need to be stabbed.

    second up: crappy parents. sorry your kids are shitty, so stop trying to sing the praises of children. I go back and forth on if I want kids all the time, but since I hate 99% of kids, I don't know how maternal I'd be.

    finally: when people say "I don't care" and then veto everything I suggest? they need to be stabbed repeatedly, preferably w/ a blunt object. obviously you do care so make a damn suggestion!

    please do more of these posts, they make me beyond happy = )

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  18. I agree with so many of these! I think it's really rude for people to say that you'll change your mind if you say you don't want kids. I don't get that at all!

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  19. number one and number three YES! When I tell people I don't want kids, "well you're still young" and I'm like nope I'm good but want my ovaries?

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  20. ARE.YOU.OKAY. I want to punch people in the throat when they ask me that. I'm fine, bitch. I just don't wanna talk, ok? Back up off my shit.

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  21. I hate "are you okay" if I want to talk about it I will. I also don't like when someone says "I'm sorry" to something that isn't their fault.. such as, "my aunt passed away" "I don't feel good" "I broke my leg" unless they're the person who killed my aunt, caused the sickness, or broke my leg, don't apologize for it. now I just feel awkward because I don't know what to say back. say anything else just not "I'm sorry".

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  22. I hate when ask "are you okay?" I also hate, "Are you tired?" I'm like umm noo.. thanks for asking and thanks for saying I look like shit. No joke, some dorky guy working the drive-thru asked me that (or was using it as a pick-up line), but I was like umm... noo. He didn't say much after that.

    I hate that too... when people don't know where to eat or whatever. You make a decision to try to get the ball rolling, then they automatically say no. Obviously, they have somewhere in mind and should just say it!

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  23. I will stab anyone who tells me to calm down or relax when I'm already pissed the fuck off. I'm Mexican and I'm a woman so when I'm angry? DO NOT SAY THAT. EVER.

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  24. I love this, but oops, I might be an annoying offender! I am the worst at picking out restaurants, but I just want someone to give a list of choices to me- hahah! No wonder my husband wants to kill me.
    Also, I hate when some comments on the fact that "i look tired" or "sick" or the like.

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  25. I love that you make decisions it makes my life so much easier sometimes. By the way I totally sat here in the living (Kevin is asleep) saying separate like 40 times to figure out how I actually say it haha.

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  26. "Are you Okay?" is on my top list of things that will get you punched in the throat at the moment. My dad passed away 3 weeks ago, and clearly I am not okay, not sure that I should be 3 weeks later. So if one more person asks me "Are you okay?" you may see me being taken into custody on the late night news.

    Also is it weird for a mother to say I am totally with you on #3, but with a twist...."Are you going to have MORE?...why does having one child automatically mean that I should want more? MORE sleepless nights, MORE midnight feeds, MORE stretch marks, MORE tantrums....uh uh, no thankyou. This uterus has closed up shop, actually it burned the shop down, I am NOT a production line.

    haha loved this post x

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    1. Hahaha burned down the shop, love it. I don't think anything about someone's decisions surrounding children should be anyone's business but the parents.
      I think people just aren't good when someone passes away, they don't know what to say. But 'are you okay' seems like a cop out. Of course you're not okay, it's not 'fine.' I think it'd be more helpful to say "if you want to talk I'm here, can I bring you dinner? Or a bottle of vodka?"

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  27. Ah all of these piss me off. I don't like when people say "birTday" instead of "birTHday" - don't know they it is the day you celebrate your BIRTH. Not your birt. Birt is just a nonsense word the rhymes with dirt.

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  28. I hate when people ask how I'm doing and then try to compare it to some minor thing in their life. Sorry, my autoimmune disease doesn't compare to your nosebleed from last weekend. Get real. Either don't ask (trust me, I won't hold it against your) or be actually concerned about my response. You don't know everything.

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  29. OMG this entire list. Yes. Yes. and more Yes. I hate making decisions so it drives me nuts when people tell me they don't care and then don't like my decision! I've also promised that the next person that says I will change my mind about having children is getting a karate chop to the throat.

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  30. THE GRAMMAR PART. All of that ten times over. The me and I thing drives me absolutely bonkers.

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  31. oh man, stopping at 4 is showing some mighty strong resolve on your part. If I started listing mine, I fear I'd never stop. I'm with a bunch of you on grammar. Come. On. There is zero excuse.

    I really, really can't stand people that pretend to know what they are talking about and end up looking stupid and then I'm dying inside wanting to tell them dude, we all know that's not true. My SIL has the market cornered on this one. She once said that she couldn't even serve jello to her vegetarian guests because it's made from rhino tusks. I can't even. That's why it's $0.29, bc it's made from the tusks of an endangered species in Africa. Duh.

    It makes me stabby when people assume I have time to kill because I am single with no kids. Dude. No. I'm busy as shit, I just happen to not be busy cleaning up shit. Rude.

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  32. Oh wow yes to all of those things. I have when people say "We've got" because that doesn't make any sense! "We have got"????? It's just "we have!"

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  33. I hate "you look tired today" because without fail it is always ALWAYS on a day I actually tried to pull my shit together. Plus, if I really am tired, do I need you pointing it out to me? Do you think I don't know that I am tired?

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  34. Oh man I missed your posts. Hilarious. Let me add another one. When people type "an" instead of "and". Peanut butter an jelly. No!!!

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  35. LOL...you crack me up. I'm still on the fence about kids because I really hate screaming little people. But a sleeping baby is cute sometimes. But there is nothing wrong with not wanting them...its your life!

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

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  36. My English teacher told us once that separate has A RAT in it. She only had to tell me once. I remembered. Why can't everyone else?

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