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12.03.2013

Maybe You Bite Me

today's annoyance: the know-nothing know-it-all.

(disclaimer before we begin: don't worry, i, and uhhh... everyone else, have stopped being friends with this girl.  everyone's sanity and happiness level is much improved.)

i think everyone is familiar with at least one know it all, the constant one-upper, the damper on every party.  this person (a) dominates conversation by trying to one-up anything someone else has to say with a better story or unsolicited advice relating to the story and (b) seems to know every. thing. about every. topic. and proceeds to tell you all of this information whether you request it or not.  and let's be honest here - you never request it.

but the rare, and far worse, breed is the know-nothing know-it-all.  they have all the qualities of a know-it-all but unlike the know-it-all, who you can begrudgingly admit has the facts and experiences to back up his pompous attitude, the know-nothing doesn't have anything relevant to add.  ever.  she tries to one-up your story about how proud you are of your newly purchased house with a story of how hers is bigger and better - but she rents.  she gives you unsolicited advice on your diet and weight - as she eats a plate of fries and claims her decade old 'knee injury' is the reason for her weight gain.  she tells you your spending habits are going to put you in debt - when you pay your credit card every month and she's still paying thousands from the card she foolishly opened in college.

sadly, these are all true examples from someone i spent way too long on being friends with.  to this day, i can't tell you why, because i still can't name a redeeming quality.  why do we hold on to 'friendships' that really aren't friendly at all?  is it a girl thing?  was it the length of time i knew her?  was it the guilty feeling from being her last remaining friend?  (i do not claim that about myself, her boyfriend told her that to her face.)  and why on earth did it take me so long to realize i was wasting time being a friend to someone who wasn't a friend to me?  at least i figured it out eventually.

have you ever experienced someone like this?  sometimes, you just have to move on, no matter how long you've known a person, and spend your energy and love on the people who spend their energy and love on you.  sure, i ended this particular friendship when i was annoyed and more than heated (she was trying to text argue while i was at a birthday party for a best friend who doesn't even live in this country.)  but can you blame me?  these are real comments made by her to either myself or another friend (and trust me, they aren't even the worst ones):

"maybe you shouldn't buy that coach purse, you're bad with money."  "maybe i can get you a financial adviser for your birthday."  "choosing to be a single mom is stupid, maybe you should concentrate on finding a guy first."  "maybe you shouldn't have so many beers."  "maybe you should try the salad instead of nachos." 

in the words of empire records' warren -- "maybe you bite me."



46 comments:

  1. good riddance! She sounds like a nightmare and you were right to sever ties. I have a know-nothing in my life but unfortunately, she's related to me so I'm stuck with her. She spews such baloney in an effort to sounds smart. I'll leave you a little nugget: she said that vegetarians can't eat jello because it's made from RHINO TUSKS. I guess that's why jello is 50 cents, because it's made from endangered species in Africa and that's gotta be cheap to do. gah!!

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  2. I think it is hard to say goodbye to 'friends'...although I haven't had any real experience with this type of friend before, I have had the 'complain about everything all the time friend' who is also exhausting. The one who complains about money even though they don't pay rent or mortgage, have a job, and their partner has job (when they know...I don't have a job, pay rent, and my husband is a student)...Le sigh.

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  3. Wow good riddance to that "friend!" Ugh I used to have a super hard time getting rid of friends that were bringing me down but I think I've gotten past it, kinda

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  4. I truly believe that there are just some people on Earth whose brain and mouth aren't connected...absolutely no filter! I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT!

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  5. I'm assuming the single mom one wasn't directed at you! I'm assuming this is that certain person ... I've been much better about friendships like that lately as you know : )

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  6. I have parted ways with my "best friend" of 13 years two years ago for some of these reasons and for the fact that I was a friend to her 100% of the time and she was a friend to me when it was convenient for her. You know, as long as I agreed with what she thought or wanted to do then we were friends. It is crazy how much we put up with to keep a friend when in the end you realize that you shouldn't have to TRY to keep a friend they should just be one. It is hard and it hurts, but you have to cut the toxic out of your life.

    P.S. - I am accepting applications for a new best friend if anyone is interested. Anyone? *crickets*

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  7. I dont know why people hang onto people like this!!! It has to be a girl thing. I once had a roommate that was such a bad one upper, I would prefer to walk outside of the house so as to avoid walking through her room. Woof.

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  8. Life is too short to spend it with people or in situations that make you feel like anything less than amazing!

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  9. Not much of a friend I'd say!! Glad you were able to move away from her and rid yourself of the riff raff - I truly believe friendships are just as much hard work and two way relationships as your regular love relationship!

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    Replies
    1. Haha riff raff, what a great term. I need to use it more! Friendships really are work, it cannot be all one-sided. It's not worth your time if you're the only one making an effort!

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  10. Anyone who tells me "maybe you shouldn't get that Coach bag," may be getting my foot up their ass.

    I think the older we get, we finally realize that it's quality, not quantity.

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  11. This might be one of my TOP pet peeves. I don't deal well with people telling me how to live my life or giving unsolicited advice.

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    Replies
    1. Ugh, right?! Not only do they not know your life, but you didn't even ask their opinion. Zip it!

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  12. I work with one of these ass hats and i literally cringe when I see her.

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  13. I know the type... I used to be friends with one. No longer!

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  14. negative/toxic friends are dead weight and need to be shed immediately. i ditched those friends long ago and life is so much better! in my opinion, those people are unhappy with their own lives so they look to tear down others. pathetic. i had a friend like that; i called her "the one-upper" and when i finally could't take it anymore, i called her out on her bullshit and she didn't speak to me again. byeeeeee!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  15. Girl, you don't need that kind of negativity! Glad you dropped the dead weight!

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  16. what a cow! I hate one-uppers and people who think they know it all and this chick sounds like the worst of both. glad you're not wasting any more time and energy on that. and kudos to you for not punching her in the face when she said that getting a salad instead of nachos remark. heffa, please.

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  17. I work with a girl like this. I can only manage 5minor less cconversations with her before I get too annoyed.

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  18. I got rid of this friend over a year ago. It was almost worse because she was this exactly but in a more subtle way. I finally had to break up with her, haha. I didn't mean to make her cry, but honestly, come on girl, how did you not know this was gonna happen? You thought I was just gonna take your negative bull shit forever?? BTW, this was the perfect introduction to your blog - I love Kathy forever and ever and found you from her sponsorship :) If you're anything like her (which it seems you are since you don't take shit from people) then I already love you :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Rebekah! I love Kathy (we are definitely similar!!) so I hope I can do her justice since she's on my sidebar this month. This was definitely a good post for you to come in on, I know Kathy was very proud of me for it!!
      Thank goodness for dumping these toxic friends. It's just so much better now, you can't just keep that negative energy hanging around!

      Delete
  19. Hate friends like that!! We've all had them and at some point it's just time to LET GO. Good for you for letting go!

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  20. "maybe you shouldn't have so many beers." <-- WHO SAYS THIS?!

    As I've gotten older, I've learned which friendships are absolutely worth the effort and which are no longer necessary in my life. Is that harsh? Probably. But some girls are just know-nothing-know-it-alls aka bitches and ain't nobody got time for that! #byefelicia

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  21. I just can't with "friends" like that, you have way more patience than I do for putting up with it so long.

    I find it hard to let go of friends but I realize we all grow and change and sometimes not in the same ways.

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  22. Dear god! I probably would have punched this girl eventually.

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  23. I know these types, and I loathe them. I have very little tolerance for people in general though so I have no problem giving these fools the boot. One-uppers are probably one of my biggest pet peeves in life too, I want to spit on them, that's so unladylike of me

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  24. I HATE the know-it-all. Only one upped by the know nothing know it all.

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  25. Oh I have had this friend. We ended our friendship years ago, and then she somehow came back into my life. She seemed like a different person (and was for quite awhile) and then bam back to negative Nancy. I hate know nothing know it alls too.

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  26. i hate know it alls and "toppers". the ones that have to one up everything you say. like you could be like "my boyfriend dumped me" and she'll be like "yea well last night my boyfriend fell asleep early, i'm still so pissed about it". like, no. stop. not the same, stop trying to make your problems bigger and more important and just be a friend!

    getting rid of toxic friends is an amazing feeling. sorry not sorry. not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.

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  27. I worked with who I think may be the Queen of the "Know it All Know Nothings", she would constantly argue about the right way to do things, even when corrected by myself or the other supervisor. Or when people would genuinely try to be nice to her and offer advice she would argue that eating as many carbs as possible is a good way to lose weight...everyone was kind of relieved when she quit even though it left us short staffed.

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  28. Great post!!! I've had a situation like this with a friend and it was awful

    xoxo

    Style and Paper
    Bloglovin
    Facebook

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    Replies
    1. It's just the worst! But it's better to finally be free!

      Delete
  29. Ooooye! I had one of these friends for a very long time...I think it really is a girl thing to hang on to people we know are toxic in our lives. Every single person we know let her go and told me to do the same and I didn't until finally I lost it on her when she was giving me "advice" on life when she herself had become a train wreck. So long and so happy!

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  30. I've been thinking about this topic quite a bit lately. And I can't tell you why we do this holding on to negative friends business. Maybe it's the hope in us that allows us to think that the person doesn't mean any harm and that the negativity is only a reflection of her self-confidence. But truly, negativity is contagious and don't nobody got time for that!

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    1. It really does only bring you down! I think, as women, we really want to help them and understand them, but some people just refuse to be helped and are content to be negative all the time. It's too draining to stick by people like that!

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  31. Sounds like you are making steps to get away from negative people, that is always a good thing that you need to do to make ourself happy.

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  32. I utilize what I call The Toxic Friend Theory. Do you feel better or worse after spending time with a person? If you consistently feel worse, then that person is a toxic friend and it's time to gtfo. A few years ago I got tired of listening to my "best friend" whine about her life (which was not bad at all), ignore everyone else, and constantly pass me over to hang out with men who treated her like crap or other people because they were "cooler" (and by cool, I mean they were "cool" 10 years ago when we were in high school!). Finally I just let her have it and told her everyone was tired of her bitching, myself including. I never heard from her again and I never even noticed her leave my life because she gave so little to our "friendship." It was quite a relief!

    jess | Quaintrelle

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  33. She sounds like she is jealous good to cut her loose. And yes coffee definitely tastes richer when made in a press even the cheap stuff!

    Allie of ALLIE NYC
    allienyc.com

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    Replies
    1. She definitely was. It feels much better to be free!! Good to know about the coffee, I really need to try it now!!

      Delete
  34. I've known people like that. Over the years it's gotten easier to say goodbye more quickly to toxic relationships, but it can still be rough. I think sometimes I've kept them because they have their hooks in one of my true blue friends and I feel the need to go along on every adventure to protect my real friend from the emotional beating they get from the bad friend if I'm not there. Relationships are seriously one of the hardest parts of life to navigate.

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  35. Oh, how I do know some of those people! Gah. I want to punch their faces. I have brothers and they made me violent. haha

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    1. Haha well I could use a little of that violence! Although, I think everyone is surprised I didn't punch her in the face already.

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  36. I would have dropped this girl a LONG time ago. Salad over nachos?! GTFOH! Seriously though, people like that irk me.

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  37. So true about holding onto friendships. Girls are hard to break up with and it's always messy and we always have to talk it to death. Sounds like she was pretty toxic. And someone brought up French Presses above and I highly second that opinion.

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  38. I had a friend like that in high school named Jenny, and THANK GOD I got rid of her. I recently had a fight with a "friend" and I was explaining the details to another friend and she said "OMG, she's totally Jenny!" So glad my friend pointed that out...I can't deal with worthless friends anymore!

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

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