as an only child, and as a scorpio, it's extremely easy for me to put myself first. i don't have that innate quality that a lot of women have that tells them to put others first. whether you refer to that as 'motherly instinct' or another term, it's simply something i've never had. women tend to make sure others are feeling okay or having a good time, put those oxygen masks on their kids before themselves, defer to their significant others on where to eat or what to do on a sunday. i am so solidly not in that category. oh you don't have an opinion on something? that's fine, because i do and i'm happy to share it with you. i do what i want, when i want, where i want, how i want, and i always have. you can join me or you can go on your merry way, your choice is no sweat off my back.
it's hard to be in a relationship with a my way or the highway attitude. as reflected in my string of failed relationships, obviously (kidding, relax, i don't really think that, i know i dated some assholes.) but i know i can be hard to be with. even my friends can attest to my stringent friendship terms, because at this point they've all been tested and passed with flying colors. those that have gotten the boot will tell you in 2 seconds flat what a bitch i am. because of this attitude, i tend to surround myself with people who i refer to as 'laid back' and who my mother refers to as 'doormats.' she thinks meredith is my best friend because i can boss her around. (untrue, we've been besties for 18 years, wouldn't she be sick of me?)
yes, i like to be in control. always. i also like to win, always. john allows this but only to an extent, which i think is why get along so well. previous boyfriends were complete and total doormats, and i got bored, fast. i already have a puppy, i don't need two. john lets me pick what we do and where we go, but is steadfast on picking his own clothes, not letting me drive his truck, and making sure we attend family parties. most of the time he's so laid back, i try to make my best efforts to put him first. this does not come naturally. but i do try at it and he hasn't complained yet.
have you taken the love languages test? my love language is 'acts of service' which means i think you love me when you do stuff for me like take out the trash and let me drag you to weddings even i don't want to be at. john's is 'words of affirmation' which means he feels loved when i tell him i think it's awesome how hard he works and how nice it is every time he goes over to do housework for his grandma. (i suspect it's because his family just expects this of him and doesn't say thank you. he needs to feel appreciated.)
i don't really know what the point of this post was. but that's what my once a month wednesdays are for, typing without thinking. and i think, mostly, i just wanted to tell you about how controlling and bossy i am. and how good i am at it. #onlychildproblems
what's your love language? do you put everyone else before yourself? is that a girl thing i just fail at?