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3.10.2014

6 Facts About Exercising (For People Who Hate It)

i'm in the process of (actually, fully this time) completing jillian michael's 30 day shred.  mostly - fine, solely - so i can check 'complete a fitness challenge' off my 101 list.  fitness gurus always claim 'it'll get easier, you'll really start to like exercising after awhile, you'll come to crave it on the days you don't do anything' - no.  lie after lie after lie.  the more i do it, the more i hate it and i'm fairly certain that those people who say "oh i can't go 2 days without my workout!" are psychologically unhinged. ahem.  kathy.  100% true statement - i'd rather eat worms or get a cavity filled than exercise.


so here's what i learned about exercising so far (and this from someone who did every sport imaginable as a youth and still hates all of them):

-it's better to do it in the morning.  then the worst is over and you literally have nothing to face all day that could possibly be more awful.  i don't do this, i save it for after work and yes, i spend all day dreading it.  but i cannot will myself awake any earlier than i already do.

-there is no path of least resistance.  it all sucks so just accept it and stop letting people talk to into trying new things you 'might like.'  you won't.  figure out what workouts you can complete and do them.  it doesn't get any better, there is no magical greener pasture.  just more brown dead grass and the sooner you realize that and stop chasing the mythical non-sucking workout, the better.

-don't waste money on cute clothes.  it makes no difference and while you might think 'rewarding' yourself with cute running shoes or sports bras is suddenly going to make you like working out, you're lying to yourself.  that's like saying that buying organic, expensive whole foods broccoli is going to make you like broccoli more.  it's still fucking broccoli.

-you might as well instagram the shit out of your polar watch because the most enjoyment you're going to get from your workout is the likes on your photo.

-motivational quotes are still lies, my friend.  'no one ever regretted a workout'?!?  last week alone i regretted 6 workouts.  guess how many times i worked out.

-yeah yeah yeah.  you want to 'feel good' or 'wear a bikini' or 'drop a dress size.'  good luck with that.  the only real motivator is hatred.  you have to pick someone you can't stand and want to look better than they do.  tape their photo to the treadmill if you have to.


sorry fitness lovers out there.  i'm just never going to be one of those people.

66 comments:

  1. I also work out after work, because there is no way that I'm getting up any earlier than I absolutely have to. Sooooo not a morning person :-P

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  2. Ha! I have a few people I could tape to the treadmill. Thanks for the idea ;)

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  3. Ha! Preach on. You're definitely onto a few things here. Morning exercise is by far the way to go. Working out after work is like waiting until April 14th to get your taxes done when you owe money. You're just putting off the shit you don't want to deal with and it only makes it worse. I'm going to go in with your attitude, this sucks, I'm never going to like it, the grass is not greener. I feel like I'm waiting for a unicorn to appear (finding something I actually enjoy doing). I need a drill sargent screaming let's go fatty to get me going.

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  4. Ha! This is me in a nutshell! I couldn't stop laughing - thankfully my office moved so I get to take the later train and occasionally sneak a work out in (I'm also passed out by 8 PM when this happens - it does NOT give me energy)

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    1. I never get energy from it either, like supposedly you should. I'm ready for bed the minute I'm done! Maybe if I did it in the morning, but I'm not willing to try it!

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  5. I am waiting for the wrath of Kathy!! Haha. I am so not a morning person and I already get up at 5:30am so I am just not getting up any earlier so I workout after work. I think boxing would be good for you, you can visualize and punch something. ;)

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  6. It freakin sucks while you do it but the endorphins kick in after and im all good. Minus the sore feeling for three days.. boo.

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  7. Haha I disagree with everything you just said.... but I have plenty of friends who would agree with everything you just said. So, to each his own.

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  8. I am totally and completely with you on this. I wear old t-shirts and shorts to the gym, have shaved maybe like four times this winter, complain to my trainer constantly and hate sweating. I disagree on morning workouts though. I'm definitely one for the night workout. It lets me unwind and I end up passing out not long after lol.

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  9. i love the idea of putting a picture up and looking better than them. i have never thought of that before but it makes perfect sense. & posting pictures on instagram does help.. idk why though haha!

    xo. Kailagh

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  10. Yes to all that. I actually feel much better after starting to work out in the morning. It sucks and Kevin almost has to drag me out of the bed but it's so much better. Also I'm pretty sure we're missing a photo from a certain someone ..... just saying .....

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  11. i kind of lol'd about this entire post because although i brag it up on IG that I just looove my workouts a lot of the thoughts you've posted above are truthfully going through my brain!! i buy cute shit, it looks great, thats it. i post the shit out of my miles just to make others believe its awesome when really, i'm damn proud i made the numbers go that high ;)

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  12. People who wear cute clothes when they workout... I just don't get them. I'm lucky if my sweats don't have a hole in the crotch... and I DON'T work out! haha

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  13. Lol I don't hate exercise as much as you do, but I certainly don't like it either. The one thing I do not get is when people say how great exercise makes them feel (confidence / endorphins / whatever). I exercise, yeah, but I have never actually felt great/happy after a workout?? Lol.

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    1. I don't either!! I've been waiting for the happy endorphin 'happy people don't shoot their husbands' feeling but I have definitely never gotten to that point!!

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  14. The big thing here is to go all out with your fitness clothes whatever your into at the moment. I always look like the frumpy one at the gym since I don't have time or money to stock my closet full of the newest workout clothes, old tees and running shorts work just fine. Keep up the good work!

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    1. Well that seems like a crazy waste! I can't believe anyone has the time or money to keep up with all that. I'm with you, whatever I already have in my closet is just going to have to do!

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  15. Perfect!! Really. You speak all truths!

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  16. Soooo what you're saying is we will never be workout buddies? OK fine, as long as we're drinking buddies I think I can manage ;)

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  17. I love this. I love this so much. Especially since during my run last saturday I made Siri send my husband a text message that said "I hate this."

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    1. hahahaha! If I ever went running, I'm sure I'd be sending the same thing!

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  18. I feel you on this one...I work out basically so I can eat whatever I want. It's all about the food. Also I've done the Jillian Shred before, and that shiz it really really hard!!! Level 3 is the ultimate b*tch!!

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  19. I think we're on the same boat here - I have tried time and again and by the time I'm done I just want to be a fat ass and take a nap. I'm going to try that tactic of pick someone you hate, although that is a strong word but I'll go with strong abhorrence :) And I definitely can't stand reading motivational quotes because they're not motivating. tsk tsk tsk.. Have a great one Stephanie! -Iva

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  20. This is the story of my life! My legs legit turn red and itch if I'm not in the habit of running so I think I am allergic to it. The best month of running I ever had was when I made doing it a blog goal. Other than that, I lack motivation. SO SO glad I'm not alone since blog land is filled with fitness overachievers!

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  21. Ha I love this post! I'm so with ya on this one....my sister rings me a few weeks ago (my sister who is a size nothing) and tells me she's going to take me to the gym....I hung up on her!

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  22. Haha, I loved this! A million times yes to the cute workout clothes. I don't care how cute the clothes are... when you're drenched in sweat and huffing/puffing for air, it's not cute.

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    1. Exactly! And they're just going to get nasty and you have to wash them all the time, why waste money on the expensive stuff?!

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  23. HAHAHAHAHA! this made me laugh so hard. i could go on an obnoxious tirade about fitness shit since fitness bitches love to talk about all things fitness but i won't. i do want to congratulate you for sticking with the 30DS even though you hate every second of it. not many people would do that. i guess you hate the fitness jesus??

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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  24. I know I have to do it. Photos don't lie and I am getting way too fat even for me, who is normally fat.

    But I never love it. Ever. I hate it.

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  25. hahaha this is SPOT ON. and i am doing JM 30 day shred and i curse at her each and every time i do it. i hate it so much.

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  26. i feel like this was written for me. i absolutely despise working out. my apartment complex has a beautiful gym...that is FREE... and i've been there twice in six months. the only thing fitness-related i've ever really liked was playing on a soccer team because i'm competitive. i haven't been able to find a new one since i moved away from nyc, so my "exercise" now mostly involves walking my dog. that counts right?

    xo,
    gabby
    www.likealittlefox.blogspot.com

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  27. Loved this! And could not agree more with all of them!

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    1. haha I knew it couldn't be just me!

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  28. All of this! I hate exercise it's stupid and annoying, I'm impressed you completed 30 day shred. No way this couch potato is even going to try.

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  29. LMAO! Seriously every time I think I love you already, you post and I love you more! haha this is perfect, I regret every workout and hate everything I try. I do it because if I don't I get fat and that is the way it works.

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  30. Look at you having will power and shit. Good for you. But working out does suck. Maybe I should tape some pictures of T. Swift and Carrie Underwood to the treadmill though. They both irritate the hell out of me.

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  31. I do not like exercising. I hate sweating, I hate feeling hot and disgusting, people at the gym annoy me, and my boobs are not meant for most cardio, given the fact that they're way too big and wearing 2 bras is not my idea of fun. However, I do it because I hate my depression more than I hate being sweaty.

    For me, I would tape the picture of Jillian Michaels. I cannot stand her.

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    1. She's the worst. Every time I do the stupid work out I want to punch her in the face. The only positive is that if I do her workout, I can at least stay home and not deal with 'gym people' because yeah, they'd make it 1000 times worse than it already is!

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  32. So, true!! I have tried all of these lies, except exercising in the morning. I loved the hatred thing...maybe have to try that one :)

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  33. I totally agree with all of this! Even though I feel better during the day and running helps me relieve my anxiety, etc, etc, I STILL hate it, with a passion. I don't get people who get a runners "high", the only high I get is when I am done and realize I don't have to do it again for another day. And I only run because I don't hate it as much as I hate everything else I've tried. I wish I could be one of those people, but I am just not, and I never will be. Thanks for making it funny! :)

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    1. Yep, that's the only high I get either!! The relief that it's finally over! Which quickly passes when I wake up the next morning and realize I have to do it again. No matter what I try, even running, it's all horrible. I'll never be a fitness jesus junkie!

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  34. This is even more funny to me today since I posted about winter fitness ideas! lol!
    I know not everyone has a love or even a like for working out, I just know I love it! I am not a morning workout person though! I will be exhausted all day long! I love to workout at night, take my shower, and then fall into a wonderful deep sleep from being so exhausted :)

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  35. hahahahhaha it's okay I'm happy for you that you are working out your bad self! I felt that hatred whenever I had to go on a treadmill....i seriously would count the seconds till I could get off of it!

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  36. Hahahaha this is GREAT! I played all kinds of sports too, but I liked it back then when I had energy and was tiny.

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  37. I've always hated exercise until I found an exercise buddy, but the only reason I'm sticking with it is because I've noticed my back pain from sitting all day is diminished significantly. This is hilarious and I have totally thought several of these things before.

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  38. HAHAHAHA YES. yes to all of this. 100% yes.

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  39. I, along with Kathy, am psychologically unhinged. If I go too long without working out, I am on edge and very easily angered. I also feel very out of routine if I don't work out which also really bothers me! I will say, though, I fucking hate the treadmill. And you will never find me in a zumba class.

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  40. I started walking everyday....and then the sprain happened and I haven't done anything since. But I am signed up to run my first 5K in May. I may want to start walking again just so I don't die.

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  41. So true, so true! I don't get motivated by those motivational sayings either! And LOL on IG-ing your polar watch b/c that'll be more satisfying than the actual workout. I wish I could workout early the mornings, to get it out of the way, but I'd rather sleep :). The way I stay motivated to workout is remembering that while shopping is fun, I'd rather just keep my old clothes so I better lose weight to fit into them, stat.

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  42. bahaha I love that you say you'll still hate it and you dread working out. I almost feel ashamed when I see people posting their 5am workouts and I am all, "well bitch I got my beauty sleep who's winning now?" Then, I realize 5am is the perfect time for me to sleep and I feel no more shame.

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  43. I noticed in my week of morning workouts, that immediately after the workout I am dead tired, but after an hour or two i feel energized. However, no more. Too early!

    Im doing 30 DS too :) You should post your results!

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  44. When I was in shape, I Enjoyed working out. I hadn't necessarily found Fitness Jesus, but I enjoyed working up a sweat now and then. And of course, now that I'm out of shape and hate the way I look, I detest working out. Funny how that works. I'm with you.

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  45. Spot on my friend, spot on. When the workout is done, I regret it 100% of the time. It does not get easier. The only thing that gets me through is that last point you listed.... only I like to target someone in the workout class I hate. Even though I've never met anyone in class, I just decide I don't like their face then try kick their ass (in my imagination)

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  46. hahahaha! I love this. I hate working out too. I do it, but I hate it. I love playing sports though, but that to me doesn't feel like working out.

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  47. I hate working out, and I have been massively procrastinating on getting back into a routine. Ugh. I hate myself for it!

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  48. Bahahaha. I wish I could get up and work out in the morning. It would definitely be nice to get it out of the way, but ... I know myself better than that. My bed is way more appealing in the wee hours.

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  49. I get told my outfits are cute and matchy, but that's really the best part of working out to me. I just don't think I'll ever find the bug. A walk, I can do...beyond that I don't really stick with it long enough.

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  50. swimming is the only exercise that I truly love. Running makes me want to die.

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  51. People who say the love to work out are liars!!! I totally agree! I hate it, but I make myself do it because I hate the way I look in pictures more. I agree that it is better to get it over with in the mornings, so that is what I do. I get out of bed at 4:30am every morning and look Shaun T square in the face with all sorts of anger and rage and push myself with every ounce I have to give to even move a limb at that ungodly hour. UGH!

    I did the 30DS twice in the past year. I hate Jillian. She gets on my damn nerves in that dvd but I love what she did to my arms. Shit works. Congrats to you for sticking with it! Most people give up something they loathe so much...trust me...I know!

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  52. I hate having to work out, I wish I could just eat taco bell as I please and not pay the price. I also hate working out in the morning and refuse to work out anytime before noon!

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  53. That is so true about hatred! I was SO mad at one of my bridesmaids when I was planning my wedding and got the best workout of my life that day! Plus, I love the idea of wanting to look better than someone I hate. That's a great motivator! And good for you for getting through the 30 day shred! I just bought it!

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  54. Seriously the greatest most honest workout post ever. *internet slow clap*

    xx Becky
    www.miseenplaceblog.com

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