An Honest Outline of My Morning

6.23.2014
6:30 a.m. - the first of a series of alarms set to go off every 15 minutes sounds.  i turn it off anywhere from 1 to 7 times, 8:30 being the absolute latest i can get out of bed and still make it to work by 9 while also being certain my clothes aren't inside out.

7:15 a.m. - assuming the more-often-than-not 7:15 wake up time, i turn the alarm off and sort of begin to move.  i text john back saying good morning, since he's already been at work for 1.5 hours.  (i think i remember saying bye when he left at 4:45, but i can't be sure.)  hawkeye now knows it's safe to jump up on the bed - she knows from experience that if she tries too early, mommy is an angry elf and she gets tossed back to the floor.

7:16 - 7:20 a.m. - a barrage of puppy kisses, designed to (a) let me know i'm loved and (b) force me out of bed so she can have my pillow.  she promptly goes back to sleep.

7:20 a.m. - 7:30 a.m. - general bathroom things, including washing my face and getting my contacts in even though i can only pry open one eye at a time.  wet my hair a bit, twist it up into a clip.

7:30 a.m. - make coffee in the keurig before someone gets murdered.  start to drink it and can finally open both eyes at the same time.  what?  i'm totally a morning person.


7:30 - 8:00 a.m. - putz around on the internet trying to delay the inevitable putting on of pants and a bra.  this usually means earning some swagbucks, putting on makeup, and checking e-mail.  the current netflix binge watch of the week plays in the background.  this week, it's house.  occasionally, cereal or yogurt is eaten.  hawkeye emerges to finish it off.

8:00 a.m. - pout about it but put the pants and bra on.  luckily getting dressed takes 42 seconds because i line up all my clothes for the week like this.

8:02 a.m. - get hawkeye a fresh glass of ice water and a chicken strip, tell her i love her because duh of course i talk to my dog and she understands.  put the gate up so she can't quite reach the front door, because someone can't handle the responsibility and barks at the neighbors if she's allowed to be less than 4 full feet from the door.  grab my purse and lunch and head out.  down the fire escape stairs because i only live two floors up and am irrationally fearful of elevators.

8:05 a.m. - 8:30 a.m. - walk to work.  try to text people and respond to emails, realize i can't text and walk, switch to listening to music via the 8tracks app on my phone and judging people for walking too slow, bikers for their general asshat tomfoolery, and tourists for being in the way because ehrmergerd the middle of the sidewalk is not an appropriate place to come to a dead stop.  get bored, call my mom.  she's the only one awake in the same time zone who isn't also at or on the way to work.  listen to gossip about my family and dad's office and stories about her dogs.

8:30 a.m. - 8:35 a.m. - get to the office building and begrudgingly suck it up and hit 36 on the freaky elevators because i hate 36 flights of stairs more than i fear elevators.  take my hair out of the clip and appreciate that my pretty thick hair is now dry and wavy and looks like i actually woke up and tried.  head into the office and pray the red light on my landline phone isn't lit up, because that equals voicemails, and not the kind i can ignore like on my cell phone.  start my computer, sigh dramatically because the red light is always lit up, put my lunch in the fridge and get a second cup of coffee and try to accept the fact that i must now begin the work day and actually turn my brain on.


and perhaps one day i'll tell you what happens next.  ahh the start of a new week.  is it 4th of july yet?

33 comments:

  1. lol My coworker and I laugh at our dread of the flashing red light. I usually go to work with wet hair too. I keep the flat iron in my bag, just in case I need to look like I care how I look. I also usually skip makeup until I'm at work

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  2. i LOVE reading schedules like this, i'm nosy as shit. please, continue w/ your workday! i'm also super jealous of your walking commute to work...although the people watching isn't as good on the sidewalk as it is on the train, i'll bet you anything on that.

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  3. Bahahah... you and drinking coffee sounds like me and my Coke Zero.

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  4. I hate the voicemail light too!!! I don't do coffee but the begrudging staggering... Yep that's me!

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    1. The days I pretend I don't need coffee are even worse. I get a headache and I'm pure evil!

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  5. um yeah technically bu the time you're up and walking i'm waking up at 6:00ish, have an hour to eat/ drink a tea or coffee/ watch the news for weather and traffic/ do my hair and makeup and get dressed to make it to work by 7:50 (at the latest)...so basically we both get to work around the same time ;) except i kinda don't like you for your 9 am work start time ;P

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  6. Bitch. I'm awake at 6am. And I'm in your time zone yah!?! CALL MEEEE!!

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  7. You could always call me! I might be awake. lol. I don't even have a schedule in the morning so this is nice to see. Maybe when I have a "real job" I will.

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  8. Finish with..."waiting to get back home to finish watching the episode of your Netflix binge because you want to know what happens" I always hate leaving in the middle of an episode but also makes the day exciting. Does that sound sad? haha

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  9. Coffee is definitely needed before my day can start too!

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    1. My eye twitches if I don't get coffee by a certain time. I'm sure that's bad...

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  10. Dang. I'm at work at 7:15 EST, so you can always call me! But I get to work early so that I can sit and NOT turn my brain on for a good hour. And drink my coffee in peace.

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  11. I totally set a bajilllion alarms starting at 6:00 to go off every 15 minutes too. My boyfriend hates it but I have to do it or else I wont get up!

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    1. John would probably kill me but he's already gone at work so it works for me! Mine are super quiet and I shut them off quick though, I can hear them instantly even if I'm dead asleep.

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  12. i get ZERO v/m - do people STILL use that?? - but instead, i'm greeted by eleventy billion emails in my inbox. it's as if no one sleeps and sends emails all night long, wtf.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  13. Your morning sounds a lot like mine. I'm horrible at getting up. I need to get better at planning my outfits for the week.

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  14. Few things piss me off like voicemail. Seriously.

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  15. My get up routine is so different these days than it use to be, and I never put on pants or a bra. That's the BEST thing about working from home.

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  16. Ugh voicemails! I cant believe you walk that long to work though you definitely deserve kudos for that! I walk from my office to the courthouse some days a week but I definitely drive to my office!

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  17. I am the worst in the mornings too! But I never give myself that much time. I set my alarm for the last possible second and have gotten my routine down to 25 minutes.

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  18. i spend as little time getting ready as possible and i need to start laying out my clothes like that. genius. i live for the weekend. it's a fact.

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  19. I have my day currently in draft- I wish I could say it started with me leisurely rolling out of bed when I felt like it but that is such a lie. Too funny about the elevators!

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  20. Haha I love this & your morning sounds way more exciting than mine ever does on a day that I have to go to work.

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  21. I can't even tell you how many times my alarm goes off in the morning. And I have 4 of them set.

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  22. Haha yeah I usually hit snooze at least once - thankfully I have an app that requires me to play a game to turn off the stupid sound so it's hard to oversleep unless I forget to ensure it's on and set at the correct time. Coffee is a must and I hate chatty bishes in the AM, peace and quiet until I digest my coffee and become human. Hope you're having a great one Stephanie and thank God next Friday is 4th of July!! :) -Iva

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  23. Very cute post idea! The husband wakes me up most mornings :) and I most of the time stay in bed until I absolutely have to get up!

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  24. I love hearing how other people's mornings look! I set 4 alarms to wake up at 4:25-4:30 am. I have become more of a morning person than I used to be a few years ago. But coffee is a MUST and I freaking LOVE your mug! So perfect!

    You suck for having amazing hair. I have to blow dry and straighten my strings on my head..and even then I dont look like I tried haha!

    And yes!!!! Is it the 4th yet?!?!?! I will be soaking in the sun on the gulf coast on the 4th :)

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  25. I personally don't like routine although I know later on in life I'll have to have one when kids are involved. But even when I work and all I dont like routine. I like to change it up a bit.

    nightowlventing02.blogspot.com

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  26. 100% the same with coffee. It is first on my to-do list after dragging my butt out of the bed. But after taking Nala outside because I don't trust her bladder to wait. Which also serves to help wake me up in the winter...

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  27. My red light is on now and I want to curse whoever actually left a message. I am a snoozer, too. I know I should stop but there are a lot of things I should stop doing and well, I just like a short nap to follow my full night's sleep.

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  28. I'm really jealous of that thick, gorgeous blonde hair. Even when I had lots of hair, if I took it out of a bun, it would look a hot dignity mess. Also, I cannot imagine hitting snooze for two hours! Insane!!!!

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  29. I wish my hair could just be thrown up and look good. So jealous! Of course puppy kisses and snuggle time is a must, but Seamus demands a walk so I take him but my eyes are still trying to function. Walking and texting is hard. Coffee is a must, or someone gets hurts!

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  30. What would I give for a 9AM start time??? I'm in at 7AM, clearly I'm doing something wrong :)

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