Things I Actually Learned From After School Activities

7.14.2014
i did a lot of after school activities as a kid.  a lot.  girl scouts, dance class, soccer, basketball, ice skating, latin club (oh yes, it exists), camp, youth ministry, horseback riding, mathletes, tennis, cooking class, the list goes on and on.  and guess what?  i still can't make a lay up, i still fall on the ice, i still count on my fingers, and i still think boxed cake mix is way easier.  apparently, i'm just not that great at a whole lot of things.  yes, i'm sure i learned some valuable life skills along the way.  but more importantly, i definitely know i learned some things that can only be taught by experience, like:

'another night' is the superior ace of base song.

and 'faith' is not, in fact, a limp bizkit original.  sorry, mom.

if you really want to kick a girl in a soccer game, probably you should wait until the ball is close by.

despite what the last 8 years with an uber competitive dad taught you, people really do let you win because you're a kid.

see what i mean?  jeez dad!

if you split the word list with your best friend and switch papers half way through, you both get prizes for being first done with the word search.

everyone's a sucker for girl scout cookies.

the squeaky wheel gets the attention, but the quiet ones get an extra hershey bar for s'mores from the troop leaders.

nothing makes arts and crafts time suck less until you're old enough for wine.

everyone can be bribed into doing your bidding with pixie stix.  especially boys, but really, everyone.

cheer leading doesn't not get any less repetitive.  it's sort of the point.

gathering the bottom of your shirt and pulling it up through the neck hole and then back down keeps you cool, turns your t-shirt into a bra, and you into a 10 year old hooker.

were you an after school program regular like me?  what did you really learn?

26 comments:

  1. I, too, was a 10 year old hooker. But only at home.

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  2. haha this post is golden and so true!!

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  3. Hahaha the 10 year old hooker! I did that all the time as a kid... *SMH*

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  4. Kicking and punching was one of the reasons I had to stop playing contact sports... I was out of control.

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  5. Haha! The T-Shirt trick was so happening back then. My Dad was way into sports too so I played Soccer, Volleyball, and Softball. I learned there really are losers in sports. Not the whole everyone is a winner schtick they do now.

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  6. My parents had us sooooooooooooo involved, we didn't have time to get into trouble. Smart huh?!?!?

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  7. The 10 year old hooker shit! What a classic!

    Ugh my dad was my coach for ever all of elementary school and I hated it! He was also so much tougher on me. Then in high school, I made him promise to just show up and be quiet and he did, until the county finals when I screwed up and the gym goes silent and just yells "shit!"

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  8. I was a girl scout too! And cheerleader, jazz dancer, gymnast and ballet dancer. I totally blame my mom....

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  9. Hahaha omg the last one. We use to do that with our shirts and looking back now I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!!! What was I thinking?

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  10. We went to after school care until we were old enough to be latch key kids, I learned not to invite all your friends into the basement when your mom is not home because they will go out of control and you'll have to ask the neighbor to kick them out.

    You should wait for the ball to be close before you kick the girl is a great lesson. hahaha

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  11. hahahaha a 10 year old hooker.

    I did soccer, gymnastics, dance. I hated them all.

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  12. I learned I hate being in the outdoors. I was also a 10 year old hooker lol.

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  13. Bahahaha I remember doing that with my shirt when I was in Kindergarten bc our coach told us too so we would stay cool, now im wondering if he was a perv.

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  14. Jeez that's awesome - all those clubs! :) Nah i was too lazy to join plus too much anxiety issues at that age. :P I did a few but nowhere near that many, I learned if you try hard enough you can do it - if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger - and if it is embarrassing, laugh first so others follow and therefore, lightens the negative aspect of the scenario. Have a great one Stephanie! -Iva

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  15. haha I love this. I secretly wish I could do that with my shirt while I'm mowing the lawn and be a 27 year old yard hooker.

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  16. i LOVE throwback posts. they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I learned that i have to hide my good snacks- other people will take them! but no one cares about your dumb apple.

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  17. Dying at this: "the quiet ones get an extra hershey bar". That was the best part of being an introverted kid, the adults thought I had trouble making friends, took pity on me, and gave me extra food. Meanwhile I was loling because they were rewarding me for being anti-social.

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  18. A 10 year old hooker! I die!!! I totally did that. Also, I had those little peace sign looking plastic things that you could pull the side of your shirt through. Classy girls.

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  19. Girl Scout Cookies. My mouth instantly watered like Pavlov's damn dog.

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  20. That practicing your ballet kicks was a good enough to excuse to get out of trouble for kicking a guy in his nether regions on the playground?

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  21. I laughed through this entire post. Especially the ones about girl scout cookies, pixie sticks and 10 yr old hookers. I can always count on you to crack me up!

    My major "after school activity" was gymnastics, where of course I learned flips and things, but I also learned how to get pretend to be bad at everything so that the cute 16-year-old assistant coach got stuck spotting you and how to use "that time of the month" to get out of conditioning for the day and into more fun things like ice-pop eating.

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  22. Ha! The old looping the shirt style trick. So classy.

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  23. Haha yes!!! I learned alllll the good 80's and early 90's jams from my after school activities. Gotta love ace of base, jock jams, and remember aqua? IM A BARBIE GIRL

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  24. Wow--that is a lot of activities! Girl scout cookies are really good--but you know the sad thing? They have the American girl scout program in other countries--my little sisters did it in Malaysia, and there were no cookies. Awful.
    The only after school activity I did was theater club and--related--acting competitions. Clowning around on stage was my thing, I loved it. I still would if I had the chance!

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  25. Awesome life lessons. My favorites are the soccer lesson and the crafts. :-) I was a cheerleader (because I tried soccer, fell and had to get stitches in my bottom lip...not cool). In high school, I was the lame one with a job instead of having fun. But it taught me a lot about responsibility and money management!

    -AJ
    OccasionallyAJ.com

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