Posts I'm Never Going to Finish

i'm sure i can't be the only one out there with draft posts just sitting there.  and some of them have been sitting for a good long while.  not that they're bad topics, they're just the ones that occured to me as i was drifting off to sleep and now can't seem to finish them to save my life.  they're always there as a crutch for those 'what do i post?!' days and yet - i don't actually post them.  so here's my top 5, in all their unfinished glory, so i can guiltlessly delete them out of my drafts.

lies my mother told me
namely, there's one i'm still holding a grudge over.  for years, years, she would have warm m&m cookies on a plate when i got home from school.  that she told me she made.  until one day i went to the grocery with her and saw the exact same cookies in a plastic container in the bakery section.  lies!!  i about had a fit, all "moooooom, you liiiiiiied to me!!!" while she laughed and laughed.  i'm still mad.  i'm sure she told me other lies, but i'll never get passed the m&m cookie debacle long enough to flush out that post.

she took me to harry potter world, so grudge slightly forgiven.

things you think take forever, but actually take less than one minute
otherwise known as the list of disproportionately easy tasks that i procrastinate for days on end.  taking out the trash.  sorting the mail.  replacing the toilet paper roll.  and the kleenex box.  washing the dog's dishes.  checking a voicemail.  switching everything to online bill pay.  commenting on a blog post instead of just silently reading it.  i'd think of more, but then i'd just feel more guilty about all the things i was procrastinating.

reasons why my dog is better than your kid
redundant.  we all can agree that she is, no need to write a whole post about it.  has your kid ever sassed back, pooped his diaper, used permanent marker on the walls, thrown a tantrum, cried through the night?  because my dog hasn't.  unconditional waggy tail love and a solid 8 hours every night for the win.

tales of a cheapskate child
(1) i used to sell my halloween candy.  not hoard it, not eat it - sell it.  i would lay it out on my dresser, grouped by type, with post-its under each candy with a price per piece.  and i'd obsessively count it every day before and after school.  my mom would leave stacks of coins in place of the pieces she ate.  same when my friends and cousins came over.  (2) i'd only go to my track meets if my dad paid me.  i'd also only win if he agreed to $100 per win.  i loathe running, but i used to be quite good.  (3) i had a tip jar on the piano.  what?!  $1 per song, i'm not just giving it away here.  and i'm sure there's a lot of others, but they probably make me look even worse, so i'll leave it at those three.

blogs that never disappoint
every time i try to go back to this list, i get lost in the archives of allie and samantha.  so yeah, there's more great blogs of course, but i'll never stop laughing long enough to write a post about them.  i can't even nicely finish this post, because i'm back in the bitches gotta eat archives again.  it never stops being funny.

what draft posts are you never going to finish?

37 comments

  1. Reasons why my dog is better than your kid sounds like a wonderful post. Dogless people are just jealous :)

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  2. I ended up deleting all the old posts still in draft, if I remember, a few were "I don't have many friends", "10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship", and I think an open letter to an old friend.

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  3. Dude your mom is a babe! And I sincerely hope you tell her that :)
    I keep a running tab of what seemed like great post ideas at the time, but when I go to bust one out? Fresh out of what the hump I was going to write about. Such is life.

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  4. I literally just spit out my wine when I read you used to sell your Halloween candy and cannot stop laughing....

    I'm a mom so I know we lie ALOT but it's all for a good cause;) and jealous of Harry Potter world. ..

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  5. I have a some posts along this vein as well. Not the same topics, but definitely posts I will never finish.

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  6. PREACH! Dogs are way better than kids. That's just science and you can't argue with science.

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  7. Dogs are kind of better than children. And I have both! You're such a little entrepreneur. Selling Halloween candy and shit. I wish I would have thought of that!

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  8. I have sooooo many drafts! That M&M story killed me!! And some of these drafts need to expanded on girl... "unconditional waggy tail love" hahah love it!

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    1. I came all the way back to this post to say ... thanks for the gem that is Samantha's blog. Legit in stitches since last night. I cannot stop reading .......

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  9. Haha the M&M story had me laughing at my desk. And reasons why my dog is better than your kid sounds like an awesome post!

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    1. I was such an little entrepreneur ;) I think all the dog lovers out there would agree with that post. Dogs just love you, all the time!

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  10. I'm so sorry that "tales of a cheapskate child" never made it as a full post, because that shit is awesome.

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  11. At least my kid will be able to take care of her own poop! ;)

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  12. Yesss! I have sooo many that I start and don't get to finish, then when I go to finish them I've lost my fire! *off to look at my unfinished posts* I might have to use this idea and thank you for it!!

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  13. I have lists of topics on my phone and post it notes everywhere. I have no clue why I can't seem to finish them.

    I KNOW my dog is better than my kids. They know it too. If anyone asks who I love more, they say Westley.

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  14. I have drafts and topics lists all over the place and there are so many, I don't even know what topics are on them. I never exactly know why I don't finish them except sometimes, they just suck so bad it's not worth writing until the end.

    That M&M story is awesomely hilarious! You should finish the cheapskate child because that would be a great read. I love stories about what people did as kids.

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  15. You little entrepreneur!

    One zillion. I need to get my ass on the movie friends post I've been writing a sentence on every three months for the past three years.

    Last week I stepped in a pile of poop in the house AND someone peed on my bed. It was not a good week for the dog kids.

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  16. I really think you should finish the cheapskate stories. That had me dying!

    I always think posts are good, and then I go back and read them and hate them. Lots of unpublished drafts here!

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  17. Haha omg so glad I'm not the only one. I have over 25 begun but not finished blogs in my Drafts folder!!!

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  18. hold on though, all of these are really really good post ideas. man the number of lies my mom told me...

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  19. How could she lie to you about cookies! This is why i have trust issues. Haha! I love that you sold your candy. So many items in my drafts it is not even funny.

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  20. my cats are way better than some peoples kids and also just as annoying as some peoples kids. my mum told me some lies as well, but my brother told me the worst, he said if you went to sleep with your mouth open, you'd die. so i was terrified of falling asleep. lol

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  21. Okay, I'm going to need you to finish the being a cheapskate child post, because that is hilarious. But please never write the things that take less than a minute one because we'll all just feel bad about ourselves.

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  22. Oh my gosh, a tip jar on the piano?? That's hilarious!! I think you need to finish that post!

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  23. Hahaha I am cracking up over the m&m cookies and the fact that you sold your Halloween candy. That is quite brilliant! Obviously dogs are better than kids!

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  24. Haha this is awesome! That's hilarious that your mom lied to you about the cookies. Oh, the shame! You must have trust issues now!

    You were such a little entrepreneur!! I used to be a nanny for a girl like that. She actually managed to get her parents to pay her to go to school once...she was in kindergarten!

    Love the one about the dog, but my dog totally sasses back to me!

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  25. Oh I absolutely have some draft posts that just never get finished!! Quite often it's something that's going on in my life when I start it, but it doesn't get written, and then by the time I come back to it I'm just not in that season of life anymore, but I keep it around, "just in case."

    Sarah
    Sweet Spontaneity

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  26. I was just thinking the other day that I need to go through my drafts and either finish the post or bite the bullet and delete it.

    Nice idea to turn those unfinished idea into a post of their own! I like the "lies my mother told me." I think all mothers tell little lies that aren't really important but are still enough to hold over their heads.

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  27. ALWAYS look forward to your posts

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  28. Quite the entrepreneurial spirit you had as a child! I love it!!

    -AJ

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  29. These are hilarious! I'm glad you at least posted glimpses. :)

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  30. I love this! The Lies My Mother Told Me post idea would be a hilarious theme for a Mother's Day linkup. Every mother has lies worth blogging about. :)

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  31. This an awesome post. I have at least 25 drafts that I'm certain I will never actually write. Things I hate about pinterest... Pros to being a cat lady...

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  32. Hahaha I love this post! Sounds like my daughter has something in common with you, she charges people a fee for EVERYTHING! It's a mixture of being embarrassed when she insists someone pay her, and pride that she is so smart. lol She currently charges my brother $30 for a half hour massage, which mostly consists of my brother being tickled and screaming helplessly "that's not relaxing" while he tries to wiggle away from her.

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  33. I love this, because I totally have a zillion posts in drafts that I will likely never finish, so this is a fantastic blog post idea.

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    Replies
    1. I swear, they multiply when they're in there! I always have good intentions, but sometimes you just have to let a post go.

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