How To Sneak Alcohol Into Places You're Not Supposed To

June 06, 2017

Yeah, that's right, I said it.  I bring alcohol into places all the time because I loathe paying those wildly marked up prices like at, say, street fests.


And I know you're going to be all 'well if you can't afford it don't go or don't drink' but that is missing the point.  The point is, beer sold at these things is marked up at least 1000%, just like well vodka at a bar.  I'm serious, do the math, it's 1000% markup.  Which is flippin unreasonable.

So I'm sharing my strategies.  Ones that I have used with success not only at street fests, where the don't actually check or care at all, but also at places where they do check, like Cubs games.  And the United Center.  Allegedly.  Here's a few of the ways I've successfully gotten my beverage of choice across enemy lines:

Water Bottles.  This is a street fest only tactic, because other places won't allow you to bring in water bottles at all.  But they don't mind you bringing your own (plastic) bottles into street fests, so take advantage and just walk right in with your bottle full of Parrot Bay coconut rum (my favorite), maybe mixed with some nice pineapple juice.  Sounds like summer to me.  If you're going someplace that allows you to bring your own water as long as the bottle is still factory sealed, may I suggest these factory sealed caps?  Fill with clear liquor and enjoy.

Garter Flask.  I have lost this over the years and I feel the need to replace it because it really did work so well, since I only ever wear dresses in the summer anyway.

Novelty Shaped Flasks.  There's a whole host of options out there so you have you pick of shapes and sizes.  Try the camera, the hairbrush, binoculars, stadium seats, sunscreen bottles.

Secret Pouch Handbags.  The entire bottom half is a flask, how could you not love it?  Fit an entire bottle of whatever - wine, liquor, pick your favorite.

Ice Cubes.  If you're going somewhere that allows coolers, mix your alcohol of choice with a mixer and freeze in ice cube trays.  Pop your ice cubes into ziploc bags and pour into cups at your destination.  They pull double duty!

Have Backups.  When you go to a place where you know they check you purse, have a decoy.  Leave that first bottle, an open water bottle with water or pop in it, right at the top of the purse, easy to find. Put your real booze in a side pocket or in one of the other hiding places I've mentioned.  When they find your decoy, they assume they caught you and you have to get rid of that one but they barely check the rest of your purse or person.

Anything else to add? The 'strap it it to yourself' method also works great in those places where you wear more clothing and layers (the hockey rink for example.)  Let me know in the comments what else has worked for you, I'll probably give it a try this weekend.


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